“Well….. It’s been my experience that when a man makes insists on a meal, he has something important to say. It’s usually a proposal.”

“Really?? Well, that’s…. YOU.”

“Men don’t take the time to end things. They ignore you. Until you insist on a declaration of hate.”

MM S05E07

I don’t care. I want more than anything to be in your arms right now. Maybe it’s too quick to feel that, but I know it’s what would make me happiest and there’s no denying that feeling.

Every boyfriend is the one
Until otherwise proven
The good are never easy
The easy never good
And loving, it never happens like you think it really should

Deception and perfection are wonderful traits
One will breed love
the other hate
you’ll find me in the lonely hearts
under ‘I’m after a brand new start

Girls and their cosmic gourmet vomit
Boys and their toys and their six inch rockets
We’re all very lovely ‘til we get to know each other
As we stop becoming friends and we start becoming lovers

I’m only happy when I’m on the run
I break a million hearts just for fun
I don’t belong to anyone

I guess you could say that my life’s a mess
But I’m still looking pretty in this dress
I’m the image of deception

When everything is life and death
You may feel like there’s nothing left
Instead of love and trust and laughter
What you get is happy never after
But deep down all you want is love
The pure kind we all dream of
But we cannot escape the past
So you and I will never last


And I don’t belong to anyone

They call me Homewrecker

I feel so aggravated that I needed to take this somewhere. OH HAI, TUMBLR.

Right now just off the top of my head, I know three women that are or just were in shitty situations with a dude.

The first is a friend of mine who is pretty much broken up with her dude. It was abusive, drug infested, and just the most horrid, nightmarish situation you could imagine. I’ve been helping her recover from substance abuse which no doubt fueled this tumultuous relationship. He beat her. A lot. I’ve seen the wounds. Now, as her friend I believe her. I just recently thought of what if she also ever physically attacked him… but honestly it doesn’t matter. I would still kick the living shit out of him in a heartbeat if I had the chance. She still needs to get over the emotional trauma of it all and I think she still has thoughts of getting back together, but she’s working on it. It sounds crazy when she says it, but damn it love is fucking SO blind sometimes. I’ve been there. Not that bad, but I’ve been there. Maybe because I got it out of my system early on is why this seems crazy to me, but I can understand.

The second is my sister. She is seeing this complete douchebag. He has anger issues and punches holes through walls. He’s controlling, he makes her schedule revolve around him and is extremely needy. He makes her cry consistently. She is WAY out of his league and I’m not only saying that because she’s my sibs. I can sort of understand this situation because she’s at that age/stage where you think you’re not IN a relationship because there isn’t a label so therefore you’re in control. But the truth is you’re not. And you know it deep down but won’t admit it out loud. I hope she snaps out of it soon…

The third…. this is the one that is making me angry right now. She’s not exactly my friend. She’s the girlfriend of a guy that was my ex’s friend. Yeah did you get all that? Well this dude is a SLEAZEBAG. Not only have I heard crappy things about him from my ex but I’ve seen in person him holding hands with some strange girl and going off with her after a concert. I mean really? If you’re gonna even do shit like that…. way to be discreet. I never liked the guy but this… just gross. And his girlfriend I think deep down knows he’s a douche but lets him sort of control her and convince her otherwise. I just saw that he was on Instagram because it tried to suggest I follow him and of course, he posts these douchey photos of himself without his shirt on and hits on all these chicks. Does his girlfriend NOT notice??? It’s BLATANTLY obvious. He is disgusting and guys like that just start making me disgusted by all guys in general. Just want to close up my heart AND my girly parts forever. Byebye.

Seriously, is there no hope anymore? Sorry, nice guys. These guys are fucking up your cred.

Oh, and I randomly saw a photo of my ex on his douche friend’s IG. Passed out. Wasted. When he had some serious alcohol dependence problems. Nice to see he’s working on that. Glad that shit’s not my problem anymore.

I feel good about that at least.

The sickness that I bear, untold
The heart, in your hand you hold
Like some imaginary burden
You didn’t ask for this
But neither did I

The light and shadows, in my mind
In your presence, that light shines bright
But to the contrary
It might seem unordinary

A strange girl who sits still at home
Not wanting to sit there alone
What questions to ask
She just wants to be whole again.

Facebook does wonders, doesn’t it? It’s a way for the past to come face to face with you again, and all those memories you repressed come crawling back like termites eating at the foundation of your house.

Thanks to the every so wonderfully useless “People You Might Know” feature, a few faces popped up and of course I’m going to click them. DUH.

The past… it happened. I don’t necessarily hold regrets and yeah yeah the whole “you wouldn’t be who you are without the past” deal rings pretty true but we all wish there were at least a few minor details we could change… even some major mistakes we could take back. But this isn’t about changing the past or feelings about how much of an idiot I was back then.

I look at those people and think…

HOLY FUCK.

I am so fucking happy they’re not in my life anymore.

I had a couple rough days recently and this all made me reevaluate my thinking… What’s there to be upset about? I LOVE MY LIFE. I love it. I am happier than I’ve ever been. I love my job. I love the city I’m in. I love my home. I love my pup. I love the people I keep closest to me. And it just keeps getting better. Epically better.

And it might seem superficial or shallow or make me seem like I have a raging ego but if I saw any of those Facebook flashbacks right now… I would laugh. Because I came out on top. Because those shitheads are doing nothing with their lives and I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing and I’m exactly where I want to be. Location and in life. They let their negativity and just terrible karma take them down a path that I’m SO grateful doesn’t involve me.

It makes me laugh because I’m so damn happy. And I deserve it.

So I’m going to be happy.